Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
