Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
