I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bet he comes in French.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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