I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
