I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
