Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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