Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
