She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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