There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
