Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
