what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
