Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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