the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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