there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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