i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
