Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize