I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
