My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
