I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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