I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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