Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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