grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
