Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
