Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
