That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
