the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
