my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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