i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
