JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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