He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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