think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
