I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
