; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
