im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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