ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
