Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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