the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
