I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
