What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
