If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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