ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
