Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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