you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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