Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
