no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
