He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
