so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
