Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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