so explain again why im purple
no
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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