1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
