Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
