you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
