Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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