nut hugger
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
