yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
