Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
