I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
