We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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