I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
