It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
