K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think people are normalizing furries
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
