just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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