im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
