nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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