I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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