i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
