i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
