Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she told me i tasted like america
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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