YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
